Isn't it ironic

I've never been much of a sleeper. Even in college, I was usually up by 8 or 9 and I've never had an easy time falling back asleep once awoken.

That's why I knew the lack of sleep that goes along with parenthood wouldn't be a problem for me.

Four year old Grace, despite looking like a blonder version of me, clearly inherited my hubby's penchant for sleep. (I once watched him comfortably nap, snoring loudly on the floor, without a pillow, in the middle of a room that contained my dad, step mom, grandmother, grandfather and our then nine month old daughter, all talking loudly at the same time).

Oh, I thought Grace was tough as a baby. I mean, she didn't sleep through the night for at least three or four months (HA!). As a toddler and now a preschooler, she will occasionally want to come in to our bed or have Matt or I go in to her room. We usually have to lay with her (for five or ten minutes) after books and songs are over, rubbing her back until she falls asleep.

But in general, the child really does love her 10 - 12 hours a night. (Grace HATES naps, as she will tell you, and no longer takes them)

Naturally I chalked Grace's great sleeping habits up to my wonderful parenting ability. Clearly, I had done something right in training her how to be a wonderful sleeper. "What a great mom, I am!" I thought, smugly.

Seventeen months ago, our hearts and family grew when sister Ruby came along. Along with her sweet baby noises and smells, I knew I was in for a few months of sleepless nights. I was fine with this, knowing that, super-mom that I am, it would only be a matter of time until I had Ruby sleeping like a champ, just like her sissy.

I had no idea what I was talking about. I have literally thought about sleep every day since Ruby was born.

See, Ruby obviously takes after my side of the family. She just started sleeping all night last week. She is seventeen months old. I have woken up multiple times per night with Ruby every night for SEVENTEEN MONTHS.

Combine Ruby's night time feedings, with Grace's occasional wake up and my inability to fall back asleep even on the mornings that Matt gets up with the girls and I seriously can't remember the last time I wasn't at least a little tired.

It's cool though, I've rolled with it, holding on to lofty thought that sooner or later, Ruby would sleep. It might not be as quickly or as soundly as Grace, but I knew that sleep would come some day.

And sleep she does. My little champion is now falling asleep by 8 and staying asleep until at least 5 or 5:30. That's nine solid hours on top of her two forty five minute naps.

There's just one problem: me.

After over a year and a half of living on three or four hours of sleep a night, I can no longer sleep more than four hours, no matter how much I meditate, exercise, limit my caffeine, etc. I've turned to some homeopathic and natural remedies, since I'm still nursing, and those have helped with getting at least four hours, but that seems to be the maximum.

So after seventeen long months of (day) dreaming about sleep, of holding on to the power of the knowledge that I would some day sleep again, of imaging how great it would feel when I was finally rested, I have the opportunity. I have at least nine hours (and sometimes more) of time that I could devote to doing nothing but sawing logs and REMs. And I can't do it. 

Alanis didn't know how right she was.